A clean break is best, right?
Of course, I do still have his work number, and his new landline, in my phone book but I've only ever called those in emergencies. So that's not the same thing, right? I mean, I've still cut him out of my life. Even if I do have his cell phone number written down on a post-it and tucked inside my wallet.
Or, so I thought. No sooner had I deleted him, than he suddenly reached out to me. It's as if he has a sixth sense letting him know when I've reached the breaking point, and it's time to reel me back in.
And, of course, I fell for it. At least, the first two times. Which inevitably ends up with me going out of my way to meet him somewhere, having a great time, spinning all kinds of daydreams in my head the next day about why it's different now, and then crashing back to earth when it's not.
But now, I'm done. For good.
It's not that Charlie's a jerk (or any of the other far more hostile euphemisms my friends prefer to use). He's honestly a good guy - he just happens to be toxic for me (yes, as in a bubbling green goo that eats you from the inside out) because I've been unable to accept the classic "He's Just Not That Into You" situation he presents.
Regardless of whether I'm in a crush stage with Charlie at any given moment, at one point I considered him my best friend in DC, and I'm not ok with the transition we've made to casual acquaintances who hang out once a month.
Thus, the reason he's able to have such a mind-altering effect on my day. I'm always hoping "this time" it will be back to the way it was. But I know now, in the infinite wisdom gained from being shot down again and again over a year, that sometimes you can't fix things just because you want to.
Definitely a good thing he's been deleted. Good-bye, Charlie.
good move. in college i had to completely remove a girl from my contact list in order to move on. i burned a lot calories for a lot nothing back then. that hope that keeps your spirits alive ends up hurting you more than making you happy.
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine told me to look for a girl who is wiling to look for you (i know, sounds cliche). I thought about it for a long time. I've come to the conclusion that cutting to the chase and declaring your interest is a lot better than keeping a glimer of hope for an unavaiable person (emotionally or physically). Those calories that you would of burned should be for someone ready to reciporcate.
What do you think about keeping that false hope alive and the hurt that slowly creeps in?
Reading your post makes me feel like I'm reading a summary of my life. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one dealing with a toxic situation like this. I just hope that I can find the courage to press "delete" one day, too. Thanks for the post, it's inspiring :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nicole! I'm so glad you enjoy it, and you're definitely not alone!
ReplyDelete