Defining the Relationship, or Rather, Non-Relationship

In college, whenever one of the girls started to see a new guy, we’d laughingly begin to ask after a few dates (or drunken encounters at various house parties) if they’d had the DTR yet. The Defining the Relationship talk.

We’d get all excited and giggly about the prospect of someone’s soon-to-be new boyfriend. However, since school ended and the real world began, particularly the part where we’ve embraced the online dating concept, more often than not we seem to be Defining the Non-Relationship.

As my friends and I take turns regaling each other with stories about our many bad dates, each one worse than the last, the common thread is almost always, the boy wants to go out again. Although we spend many, many phone calls commiserating over our shared inability to find “The One,” we’re at least able to console ourselves with the fact that there are guys interested - just not the ones we like.

My friend Jamie is a case in point. She's recently been testing out PlentyofFish.com, and finally decided to meet up with someone, even though it involved traveling to the dreaded Bethesda (I'm sorry, but there's just no easy way to get there from Arlington!).

A couple of drinks later, followed by a parking ticket and the awkward hug good-bye, Jamie was on her way home again without having made a "Loooooove Connection."

But the next day, her inbox was home to the following:

Jamie,

It was nice to finally meet you in person.

I liked the way you looked into my eyes unwaveringly. The eyes are the windows to the soul. What did you see in mine? I'm interested to hear what you thought of me in person. You seem like a legitimately good person.

I'd like to see you again sometime, but in a different setting. Maybe I could show you around Great Falls if we have a nice weekend when we're both free. We could share our gratitude of nature as we walk through the trails along the Potomac.

How's that sound to you?

Josh

Thus the need for the Non-Relationship Talk. When I'm the one that has to give the speech, it typically involves a conversation where I say things like "Oh, I'd love to get together again, but I'm traveling for work this week...and next." Or, more likely, I just ignore my phone for days at a time to avoid having to explain the feelings are not mutual. He usually gets the message after the third unreturned text.

Clearly, I have a problem with having the non-break-up talk. I know I should just man up and tell it like it is, but my resolve always seems to break down somewhere between the dial tone and when the phone starts ringing, leaving me with awkwardy Cory-type moments.