Online Dating Profiles

I've tried Match.com on and off for the last year without much success. Sure, I've had lots of dates, and on the plus side, almost every one of the guys I've been out with wants to see me again - I just don't really want to see them!

In fact, I think I've only met one guy I was actually interested in - Jack - and clearly that did not work out well.

To be honest, it seems that I'm sending out all kinds of winks / e-mails (no waiting for guys to make the first move online!), but not getting much of a response.

Which leads me to believe there must be something inherently wrong with my profile.

I know there have been all kinds of articles written about what to include in online profiles, like "Three Ways to Build A Better Online Dating Profile" and "Dating Profile Don'ts", and I've tried to incorporate these ideas in moderation.

But something's still not working - so, for your viewing pleasure, I've posted the main body of my profile here. For those who have never checked out Match.com, this is subsidized by other brief answers (think Twitter length) about For Fun, My Job and Favorite Hot Spots, etc.

I think I sound totally date-worthy, but I ask you, where have I gone wrong?

ABOUT ME AND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR:

I'm originally from Minnesota, spent four years in Missouri at school and moved to DC because (ok, this is a little dorky) I loooove "The West Wing." Having been on the East Coast for three years, I've adopted the Steelers as my NFL team but still retain my Midwestern values. I'm just as comfortable in a dress and heels as my pajamas - which I pretty much change into as soon as I get home each night.

I love to travel and can pack light, or bring everything but the kitchen sink depending on the trip. Beach vacations in the spring and summer, ski trips in the winter and spontaneous weekend getaways are a few of my favorites.

When it comes to what I'm looking for, I like to be around people who, no matter the activity or occasion, make it more fun just by being there. I want to date someone who's also my best friend - someone who I can have a serious conversation with, but who I can also be a total goofball around. I want to hang with your friends, and you should be able to hang with mine - bonus points for sitting through a chick flick!

So, whether we're going for a run, visiting a museum or playing a round of golf or a game of Scrabble, let's hang out and see what happens - if you've made it this far, send me a wink or an e-mail:)

Random facts about me:

*My roommate and I tried out for The Amazing Race last spring - our video rocked!

*I read cheesy romance novels because I can finish them quickly, and if I have to put it down for awhile, I don't forget the plot line

*I've had to ban myself from watching Lost because I spend the whole time ranting about how things don't make sense and getting frustrated that we never seem to get any answers

*I don't cry often, but am almost guaranteed to shed a tear or two in the movie theater, no matter what the movie

*I'm really independent, but I crave cuddling with someone at night

*I love cake - seriously, they sell it by the slice at the grocery store and I think that might be the best invention ever

*I was valedictorian and a state swimmer in high school

*If a computer or copier breaks in the office, you can pretty much assume I must have touched it recently

Don't Date Where You Drink

New Rule: Do not, under any circumstances, date someone at a bar you like to frequent. Unless you're ok with not being able to drink there again.

I made the mistake of going out once with Cory, the bouncer, from O'Sullivan's. The date was not something I wanted to repeat, to say the least, and after continuing to ask me out via text for weeks, he finally sent this as a last-ditch effort:

"So, did I screw up our date that badly or did you break your phone or something?"

And thus, I've been forced to avoid the bar for a few months. Until last weekend.

Since it was my birthday, I decided to be brave and bite the bullet (I'm not going to speculate on what role a large bottle of wine might have played in this newfound courage). I like going to O'Sullivan's occassionally and I would NOT be deterred any longer by one bad date.

It also helped that it was Friday, and Cory ususally works on Saturday.

Alas, my hopes of avoiding an awkward encounter were not realized. As the cab pulled up and I peered through the torrential downpour, I realized the face at the door was not that of an unknown stranger, but rather the one I recognized.

"Quick," I said to my friend Kelsey as I shoved her toward the door. "You have to go in first!"

She looked at me like I was crazy, which I probably am a bit, but gamely made her way to the door - allowing me to hide behind her.

When it was my turn to have my id checked, I studiously looked the other way while shoving my license into Cory's hand. Just as he started to look up and say something, I grabbed it back and ran into the bar.

I know, very ostrich-head-in-the-sand of me, and not exactly my most mature moment. And it gets worse.

Since O'Sullivan's is relatively small, the majority of standing room is in plain view of the doorway - and Cory. As we waited to order our drinks, I could feel him looking at me. This was not imagined - when I looked up, we definitely made eye contact. Argh! So much for avoidance.

And then he started to make his way into the room.

I looked frantically for someone to duck behind, but there wasn't a nice, solid guy presently available. Instead, we made our way toward the few tables, and luckily managed to find something hidden in the corner - well out of eyesight of the doorway.

Safe, at last.

At least until it was time to leave. Luckily, running out the door worked just as well as running in.

How Old is Too Old?

At 26, I definitely feel older than 25. As my friend Melissa said, I'm now in my late mid-20s - and I'm not a fan of "late" anything.

But my question is, how old is too old for me to date? When I was fresh out of college, 27 seemed beyond me and 30 was certainly ancient. The guy that was a year behind me and still in school was acceptable, but 26 was questionable.

At 24, I reached the point where 30 was no longer so scary and 29 was definitely a good number. But now, as I contemplate tonight's date with No. 9.5 from last week, I'm not sure where the line is anymore.

Did I mention he's 36?

The decade age difference not withstanding, that seems a little too close to 40 for comfort. Let's say things did work out, does that mean I have to start having kids right away? I mean, even if we had our firstborn tomorrow, he'd be 54 by the time the kid went off to college. So much for doting on grandkids together. And what about the male/female life expectancy issue? Does this mean I'll hit my golden years by myself? Or will he be too frail by then to even enjoy them with me?

I suppose on the up side he'd be less likely to leave me later for a younger woman!

I know - I'm several, even hundreds, of steps ahead of myself. As I rattled off these concerns to my roommates the other night,they looked at me with a kind of horror over the new levels of crazy I had reached.

But isn't it better to rule someone out from the beginning than to find out later, once you really like them, there are any number of dealbreakers in the way?

Then again, given that the hottest thing I've got going right now is my lukewarm thing with Charlie, perhaps I can't afford to be so picky.

What now?

Charlie's at it again - and I'm not sure I can translate his latest signals!

As we watched a movie one night last week, I found myself suddenly cuddled up in his lap - not our typical M.O. And even more confusing, he was actually stroking my hair while Cary Elwes pranced about in "Robin Hood: Men in Tights."

And then it gets really interesting: when I start to make noises about it getting late, he says in this incredibly adorable little boy way that he doesn't want me to leave.

Sounds like he's potentially interested in being more than friends, right? I mean, the guy doesn't even like to cuddle!

So we move into the bedroom - again, not at all weird for me to crash there when it's after dark, since his parking lot creeps me out - and he proceeds to engage in some hardcore spooning. But when he leans into kiss me - GASP! - I stop him. We've been down this road before and we both know we don't really make good friends with benefits. Someone (meaning me) always seems to end up disappointed and hurt.

Instead, I explain this to him and when greeted with silence tentatively add, "Unless there's something you're not telling me?" Yep, more crickets. So I start to chatter on about something else and when I stop to take a breath he makes another comment about wanting me to stay.

So I do.

And when we both wake up in the middle of the night, he leans over and says good-night with a kiss on the forehead and a quick peck on the lips.

What does all this mean??!! If I was sending someone these signals, obviously I'm interested in him. But Charlie seems to engage in some weird dialect of man-speak that even my other guy friends can't fully understand.

Birthday Celebration

The best birthdays all seem to have three things in common: boys, booze and baked goods. Luckily, my week-long celebration (also known as the birthday extravaganza) kicked off last week with two of the three - and there's still plenty of time to work in the baked goods (mostly in the form of cupcakes).

The rules for the annual festivities dictate the partying doesn't start until the first present arrives - so thank you Grandma for timing the delivery of your gift with Friday night! Following the present opening, the girls and I headed to Carpool to start the night.

Turns out, the birthday chant my roommate Lauren does with her elementary school kids works just as well with beer as milk - and helps attract the guys. From the "babies" fresh out of school to one that was closer to 40 than 30, the men (I use the term loosely) began to swing by the table in droves. Seriously. I've never had that many talk to my group in one night before!

As we realized this had become the theme for the evening, we started to name and call them by number. At first we thought we'd be lucky to get to No. 5, but we quickly revised that to No. 12.

The number system was all in good fun and no one objected until we got to No.9.5. He seemed a bit offended, although we think he was really just upset that he was a half instead of a whole number (since Kimberley waved him over, we decided he didn't fully count since he did not approach our table on his own).

Not to worry though - as he moved away from our table in a huff, I followed to console him and we're going out on Tuesday.

Happy Birthday to me!

Dear Charlie

Dear Charlie,

Remember when I said I like you? The sentiment is still floating free out there and without a response, I'm left to wonder. Is it possible you didn't actually understand the drunk text I sent with this message? Or the several sober follow-up texts later?

Or maybe you didn't get the phone call, voicemail and text I sent after I missed the one call you made to "talk about things."

Admittedly, I wasn't able to make it all the way through, "He's Just Not That Into You," but I grasped the general idea. It would be logical to conclude your avoidance of the topic is the equivalent of saying, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Except, you didn't say it, which leaves all of your actions open to interpretation.

For example, what did you mean by asking if I was going to spend the night after the Steelers game on Sunday? We both know I'd rather crash at your place than walk into your parking lot after dark, but if you're not interested in being more than friends, why suggest such an activity?

And were you just being funny during our conversation about heart disease versus breast cancer when you said you could help with a breast exam but I was on my own with the cholesterol stuff? Or was that you're way of testing the waters to see where I was at more than three weeks after I made my shocking announcement of positive feelings for you?

I can't help but remember the last time we danced around the idea of dating, and it came out after the fact that you're not very good at telling someone you like them. Are you afraid you missed the window and you're not sure how to bring it up?

You're sending mixed signals and I'm having trouble reading them. Is this just harmless flirting or are you trying to say something more?

Or is this just another case of me overanalyzing? Like when I spent days trying to figure out the underlying meaning of a simple text. And the times when I call everyone I know to dissect a situation, taking all opinions into account before deciding what actually happened. But I digress (And yes, I used a big word. I like them.)

If you can clear any of this up for me, I'd appreciate it. And, as I said before, no big deal if you're not interested. I still need a golf buddy - and at least with you, I know I'll always win!

Sincerely,

Andi

Hair Hottie

I think I may have met the man of my dreams on Thursday. Sort of. Ok, "met" might be a bit strong - we didn't actually speak. But I did see him. Sort of.

Perhaps I should back up. I was at Bubbles getting my hair highlighted (just a little brightening up - really, I'm a natural blonde!) when a gorgeous guy walked in. He met all the minimum qualifications: over 6 ft. tall, solidly built, clean cut, dress pants and shirt speaking to gainful employment - all before he even opened his mouth.

Luckily, he was seated in the chair next to mine. As he told the stylist what he'd like done - "Straighten out the sideburns, they're getting a little mangy" - I tried to sneak a closer look. I peered out from under the fringe of hair currently in front of my eyes, prompting me to remember I was sporting a head of foil. Not exactly a prime "look at me" moment

As he made conversation with his stylist (extra points for friendliness), I eavesdropped shamelessly and his stock continued to climb. He was from the Midwest, normally went to the Bubbles in Pentagon City (he meets my 5-mile radius requirement) and had been to a wedding recently (more likely to be looking for a relationship?).

Sigh. I think I was in love.

I was working on my opening line - something about my recent trip to Chicago, since he had said he was going there for the weekend - when my stylist returned and walked me over to the sink.

"Ok," I thought. "Don't panic. She'll rinse me out and I'll be back in the chair before he's ready to leave. And sans foil."

Except she didn't rinse me out right away! Apparently, the highlights weren't done yet. By the time my head did meet water, I couldn't even enjoy the scalp massage (a main reason to even go to Bubbles) because I was craning my neck to make sure Dream Guy was still there.

Sadly, he took his leave before we moved onto the haircut portion of my evening. But I certainly enjoyed meeting him. Or seeing him.

Maybe I should be visiting Bubbles a little more often. I wonder how frequently I can ask to have "just half an inch" taken off without looking suspicious? Or I run out of hair?