Talking vs. Texting

It’s no secret that new technology has caused the rules of dating to change. From Facebook stalking to texting, we’re a long way from “courting.” Although it’s not one of my favorite movies, there’s one scene I love in “He’s Just Not That Into You” where Drew Barrymore’s character wonderfully illustrates the change in dating as she bemoans the use of Myspace, Facebook, voicemail, email and all the other new modes of communication.

In theory, a guy definitely scores major points for calling, rather than texting. But, here’s the thing - I LIKE texting. Especially when it’s someone I don’t know very well. Since I’ve moved to Chicago and no longer spend an hour a day commuting, I talk on the phone a lot less – to my BEST friends. Why would I want to spend what little time I have making awkward conversation with someone I may not have even met yet (at least not sober)?

In my mind, texting is like those little candy hearts people give on Valentine’s Day – but all year long. It’s a quick hit to let someone know you’re thinking about them – which will put a smile on my face for the rest of the day – without having to find 30 minutes to chat about the weather. Don’t misunderstand me – texting should NOT replace the phone, but I think it’s a nice, flirtation complement to more traditional modes of communication.

This topic came up thanks to one of the two dates I mentioned in my last post. We connected through Match.com right before Christmas, and due to holiday schedules made plans to get together once things had died down. After exchanging a couple of emails, the guy suggested I give him a call. WHAT?! How forward!

First of all, I’d made the initial contact, so if anyone was going to make calls, it should have been him as I’d already stepped up to the plate. Secondly, talking to a stranger I hadn’t even met while at my parents’ house? Ugh. Thirdly, weren’t we both busy enough with family obligations that week?????

And finally, and most importantly, why would I want to invest the time in phone conversations when I knew there was a very good chance I’d meet the guy in person and realize immediately that I’d be counting down the minutes until I could gracefully end the date – never to speak to him again?

Pessimistic, yes, but also realistic. It’s not that I didn’t hope that I’d want to hang out many, many times after I met the guy, but based on my track record with Match.com dates, I knew this was unlikely – at least, enough so that I no longer want to put too much effort into things before the first date.

In any case, I did NOT take him up on his invitation to call, and the week after the holidays found us setting up a time to get together. At this point we did exchange a couple of texts about meeting details, but sadly, nothing flirtatious happening there – just straight coordination.

The day of our date finally arrived, and I actually went to the trouble of putting on not only my usual make-up, but even eyeliner! At this point we’d been talking via email for about three weeks, and to be honest, most of the excitement for me was gone. I’m all about the momentum in new relationships, and felt like it was long gone, but I was ready to start 2012 off with a bang and was certainly happy to be meeting someone new.

Except he canceled! Three hours before the date! He begged off claiming he was stuck at work, which didn’t bother me at all, as I’m guilty of that far more than I should be. BUT, he said he’d call that weekend to arrange another time – again with the phone call! Apparently, I wasn’t going to be able to meet the guy without talking to him on the phone first.

Turns out my anxiety over making small talk was all for naught – because he NEVER called. All that effort in emails and making plans…all wasted. Good thing I didn’t make a point of finding the time for a few awkward phone calls!